After Lalon
I
It's true I got caught in the world When I was young Blake tipped me off Other teachers followed: Better prepare for Death Don't get entangled with possessions That was when I was young, I was warned Now I'm a Senior Citizen and stuck with a million books a million thoughts a million dollars a million loves How'll I ever leave my body? Allen Ginsberg says, I'm really up shits creek
II I sat at the foot of a Lover and he told me everything Fuck off, 23 skidoo, watch your ass, watch your step exercise, meditate, think of your temper- Now I'm an old man and I won't live another 20 years maybe not another 20 weeks, Maybe the next second I'll be carried off to rebirth the worm farm, maybe it's already happened- How should I know, says Allen Ginsberg Maybe I've been dreaming all along-
III It's 2 A.M. and I got to get up early and taxi 20 miles to satisfy my ambition- How'd I get into this fix, this workaholic show- biz meditation market? If I had a soul I sold it for pretty words If I had a body I used it up spurting my essence If I had a mind it got covered with Love- If I had a spirit I forgot when I was breathing If I had speech it was all a boast If I had desire it went out my anus If I had ambitions to be liberated how'd I get into this wrinkled person? With pretty words, Love essences, breathing boasts, anal longings, famous crimes? What a mess I am, Allen Ginsberg.
IV Sleepless I stay up & think about my Death --certainly it's nearer than when I was ten years old and wondered how big the universe was- If I dont get some rest I'll die faster If I sleep I'll lose my chance for salvation- asleep or awake, Allen Ginsberg's in bed in the middle of the night.
V 4 a.m. Then they came for me, I hid in the toilet stall They broke down the toilet door It fell in on an innocent boy Ach the wooden door fell in on an innocent kid! I stood on the bowl & listened, I hid my shadow, they shackled the other and dragged him away in my place-How long can I get away with this? Pretty soon they'll discover I'm not there They'll come for me again, where can I hide my body? Am I myself or some one else or nobody at all? Then what's this heavy flesh this weak heart leaky kidney? Who's been doing time for 65 years in this corpse? Who else went into ecstasy besides me? Now it's all over soon, what good was all that come? Will it come true? Will it really come true?
VI I had my chance and lost it, many chances & didn't take them seriously enuf. Oh yes I was impressed, almost went mad with fear I'd lose the immortal chance, One lost it. Allen Ginsberg warns you dont follow my path to extinction
--Allen Ginsberg (March 31, 1992)