Children who have been victims of maltreatment can develop emotion regulation problems that affect many areas of their lives. Some survivors of abuse can experience symptoms of posttraumatic stress, anxiety, and depression throughout their life.
Alice Miller says Child abuse damages a person for life and that damage is in no way diminished by the ignorance of the perpetrator. It is only with the uncovering of the complete truth as it affects all those involved that a genuinely viable solution can be found to the dangers of child abuse.
Sexual assault is the act of forcing, enticing, intimidating, or coercing another person to engage in a sexual activity, from fondling to coitus, when the other person is unwilling or unable ,as is the case of one who is underage, drugged, or unconscious.Imagine yourself as a child, seeing the world through a child’s eyes, and then being introduced to a violent act that serves to not only damage one’s physical body and mental/cognitive mind-set, but also disrupt one’s spiritual being.
Wounded attachment is an insidious component that has been seen repeatedly with adult survivors of childhood sexual assault.Wounded attachment is the unconscious way of being attracted or attached to someone or something that reminds the survivor of one who reinforces the trauma,of the sexual assault. At its core, it’s the way in which survivors subconsciously seek out relationships that reinforce the wounded aspect of themselves.
Our abusive parent didn't give us the gentle, encouraging nurturing we needed. But healing invites us to give our inner child the kind of loving empowerment that will help us reach our potential and celebrate our spirit. Move past what you wished you could have experienced and embrace the uncommon, sweet possibilities of being your own best parent as Jeanne McEvlaney puts it in her book on childhood abuse. In Marcia Sirotas words On top of the abuse and neglect, denial heaps more hurt upon the child by requiring the child to alienate herself from reality and her own experience. In troubled families, abuse and neglect are permitted; it's the talking about them that is forbidden.
To deal with it Logic becomes a loud voice when the wall of our past abuse begin to crack with awareness. But that's our adult speaking. The child within, who had the experience, talks to us through flashes of insights.
Trust your perceptions. They are a powerful guide in healing.When you feel caught in the web of childhood abuse, find words to describe it. Write them. Say them. Express them. In safe places, with safe people Jeanne McElvaney says in her book Childhood Abuse: Tips to Change Child Abuse Effects
Laurie Matthew, in Who Dares Wins opens a very organised abuse case which we all tend to overlook.Some abusers organise themselves in groups to abuse children and other adults in a more formally ritualised way. Men and women in these groups can be abusers with both sexes involved in all aspects of the abuse. Children are often forced to abuse other children. Pornography and prostitution are sometimes part of the abuse as is the use of drugs, hypnotism and mind control. Some groups use complex rituals to terrify, silence and convince victims of the tremendous power of the abusers. the purpose is to gain and maintain power over the child in order to exploit. Some groups are so highly organised that they also have links internationally through trade in child-pornography, drugs and arms.
Some abusers organise themselves around a religion or faith and the teaching and training of the children within this faith, often takes the form of severe and sustained torture and abuse. Whether or not the adults within this type of group believe that what they are doing is, in some way 'right' is immaterial to the child on the receiving end of the 'teachings' and abuse.
I some time ago read Carolyn Bramhalls lines somwhere which shook moi soul up....The abused child in moi was shaken up....the memorial i had turned up of moi torn soul...was rudely awakened... that was the time i stood up and spoke....the hidden anger which i had somehow directed to moi being got channelled. Then was the time i stood up in moi marriage refusing the physical abuse i had endured for years without questioning.I let moi be torn ridiculed in all of moi relationships friendships .The day i spoke and ended the silence i realized i needed moi love more than anybody else, i was nurturer of people, to the point of cutting moiself to shreds.The day realization hit , i refused to b a punching bag in any personal relationship. The abuse in moi marriage reduced to verbal, i stood up to that with strength. I then realized the reality,i didnt need any other relationship lover or friendship to nurture moi.I had to fall in love with moiself,even if it meant loosing friends, men who went crazy over moi looking for an opportunity to befriend moi while i tried to find a shoulder .No i did not need these things.I needed moi own shoulder to carry moi burdens, which tended to multiply because i let them .Today i live each day with a renued love for moislf.I wonder how i managed never to be friends with the beautiful soul i am.I gained weight so i cursed moiself more.Today the rounded moi is being loved by moiself.Day by day i resolve moi problems that i never did.I care not what anyone thinks about moi,i am helping the most important person in moi life heal, and thats moiself.Nobody deserves moi more than moi.What i was giving to people and still being cheated and having to deal with manipulation,why i took it alarms moi,How could i let moiself be hurt.I was a silent vocalizing woman seeking a helping hand from people who i thought could help but it was just a ridiculous attempt just got moi attention which was not what i intended. Anyways the childhood abuse is a virus which keeps on drilling you even after you have grown. These lines of Carolyn Bramhalls were a wake up call for moi."I was increasingly both horrified and sceptical about these memories - I had no recall of these things at all, though I couldn't imagine why I'd want to make it all up either. It felt as though it had all happened to somebody else, I was not there - it wasn't me - when those people did nasty things.
But then, of course, it didn't feel like me, that's the whole point of dissociation - to create distance between the victim and her experience of the abuse. The alters were created for just that purpose: so that I'd not be aware that it happened to me, but rather to "others". The trouble is, in reality it was my body that took the abuse. It was only my mind that was divided, and sooner or later the amnesic barriers were bound to come down.
And that's exactly what had begun to happen as I heard their stories. They triggered a vague and growing sense in me that this really is my story."
[Picture courtesy Google]
